To my friends that found fucked love, some points to take into account:
In traditional terms men are NOT supposed to be constantly aware of how their emotions rule them, because they are supposed to hide feelings.... to the point of burying all sorts of mental issues -that eventually are passed as a bill to pay to women-. The funny thing is that neither those men nor those women are happy with their affective choices, and then suffer due to the neglect they participate on: fucked love.
As grown ups many men don't seek mental help: they are in control of their feelings by ignoring them.Why?
because they can not change patrhriarchal structures of abuse!
..what a bunch of ARCHAIC bull SHIT is this denial state of abusive harmony! .
Many of these "affected by disaffection" loners, were victims or witnessed emotional abuse by a role model when they were kids.
The conflict comes when this male idealize the origin of the abuse:
the conflic caused by love for the abuser. Abuse and love are then redefined:
A new lenguage that isolate those whom share the new emotional syntax.
Then they follow the role of abusers and separate themselves from the victim: the dynamic of the fucked!
Absent creatures on the midst of all!
Is anybody else (besides the ones "loving") staring at the devil in these men's life?
Now the academia:
Borderline Personality Disorder
A person with a borderline personality disorder often experiences a repetitive pattern of disorganization and instability in self-image, behavior and close personal relationships.
This can cause significant distress or impairment in emotional life.
A person with this disorder can often be bright and intelligent, and appear warm, friendly and competent. They sometimes can maintain this appearance for a number of years until their defense structure crumbles, usually around a stressful situation like the breakup of a romantic relationship or the death of a parent.
People with Borderline Personality Disorder report a history of neglect, or separation or abuse (emotional or physical) as young children originated by people they trusted and loved. The generate ideas of love towards abusers, constantly shaping their self identity.
These fears of abandonment seem to be related to difficulties feeling emotionally connected to important persons when they are physically absent, leaving the individual with BPD feeling lost and perhaps worthless.
They may feel unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, bored, empty, and have little idea who they are.
Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated and lacking in social support, and may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone even manipulation, reinforcing the perception of being "wrong".
People with BPD exhibit other impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, eating, promiscuity.
Relationships with others are intense but stormy and unstable with marked shifts of feelings and difficulties in maintaining intimate, close connections.
The person may manipulate others and often has difficulty with trusting others: loners accusing others.
People with BPD often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike).
Thus, they may form an immediate attachment and idealize the other person, but when a slight separation or conflict occurs, they switch unexpectedly to the other extreme and angrily accuse the other person of not caring for them at all. Acting on those feelings of neglect they abuse people's trust, breaking social connections as an act of fairness to them.
maybe we all are disaffected.
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